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Todd300




Joined: 2009-06-05
Posts: 2393
Location: Menominee, MI

PostPosted: Tue Apr 09, 2013 10:39 am Reply with quote Back to top

Why stop there? Get Beer scented air fresheners Laughing
 
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bartrod
WGA Member



Joined: 2008-03-12
Posts: 1046
Location: Oconto, WI-The birthplace of western civilization

PostPosted: Wed Apr 10, 2013 5:46 pm Reply with quote Back to top

Included on the list of world's shortest books:

HOW TO WIN A SUPERBOWL
BY THE MINNESOTA VIKINGS
Bartrod
 
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bartrod
WGA Member



Joined: 2008-03-12
Posts: 1046
Location: Oconto, WI-The birthplace of western civilization

PostPosted: Wed Apr 10, 2013 5:47 pm Reply with quote Back to top

Also included:

THINGS I CANNOT AFFORD
By Bill Gates
____________________________________

THINGS I WOULD NOT DO FOR MONEY
By Dennis Rodman
_________________________________
 
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CodeJunkie
WGA Member



Joined: 2009-07-21
Posts: 8150
Location: Berlin, WI

PostPosted: Fri Apr 12, 2013 9:39 pm Reply with quote Back to top

I thought this was a prank video but its real. Gotta love the creativity and boldness of a retailer.


 
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bartrod
WGA Member



Joined: 2008-03-12
Posts: 1046
Location: Oconto, WI-The birthplace of western civilization

PostPosted: Sat Apr 13, 2013 1:40 pm Reply with quote Back to top

This could happen to you some day...hasn't happened to me...yet:

An elderly Floridian called 911 on her cell phone to report that her car has been broken into. She is hysterical as she explains her situation to the dispatcher: 'They've stolen the stereo, the steering wheel, the brake pedal and even the accelerator!' she cried.. The dispatcher said,
'Stay calm... An officer is on the way.'
A few minutes later, the officer radios in 'Disregard.' He says. 'She got in the back-seat by mistake.'

Bartrod
 
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marc_54140
WGA Member



Joined: 2004-01-28
Posts: 2631
Location: Little Chute

PostPosted: Tue Apr 23, 2013 5:36 am Reply with quote Back to top

Starbucks is now an officially recognized therapy center for people who can not make decisions ....
 
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bartrod
WGA Member



Joined: 2008-03-12
Posts: 1046
Location: Oconto, WI-The birthplace of western civilization

PostPosted: Tue Apr 23, 2013 6:04 pm Reply with quote Back to top

I was in my back yard trying to launch a kite. I threw the kite up in the air, the wind would catch it for a few seconds, then it would come crashing back down to earth. I tried this a few more times with no success. All the while, my wife is watching from the kitchen window, muttering to herself how men need to be told how to do everything.

She opens the window and yelled to me, "You need a piece of tail."

I turned with a confused look on my face and said,
"Make up your mind. Last night, you told me to go fly a kite." Laughing
 
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bartrod
WGA Member



Joined: 2008-03-12
Posts: 1046
Location: Oconto, WI-The birthplace of western civilization

PostPosted: Tue Apr 23, 2013 6:17 pm Reply with quote Back to top

Wait a sec....was that Marc's bit of humor back there?????? Shocked
 
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CodeJunkie
WGA Member



Joined: 2009-07-21
Posts: 8150
Location: Berlin, WI

PostPosted: Tue Apr 23, 2013 11:02 pm Reply with quote Back to top

marc_54140 wrote:
Starbucks is now an officially recognized therapy center for people who can not make decisions ....

Welcome back.
 
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bartrod
WGA Member



Joined: 2008-03-12
Posts: 1046
Location: Oconto, WI-The birthplace of western civilization

PostPosted: Thu May 09, 2013 8:15 am Reply with quote Back to top

Yesterday my daughter again asked why I didn't do something useful with my time. Talking about my "doing something useful" seemed to be her favorite topic of conversation. She was "only thinking of me" and suggested I go down to the senior center and hang out with the guys. I did this and when I got home last night I decided to teach her a lesson about staying out of my business. I told her that I had joined a parachute club.

She said, "Are you nuts? You 're almost 70 years old and you're going to start jumping out of airplanes?" I proudly showed her that I even got a membership card.

She said to me, "Good grief, where are your glasses! This is a membership to a Prostitute Club, not a Parachute Club."

"I'm in trouble again, and I don't know what to do... I signed up for five jumps a week." I told her. She fainted.

Life as a senior citizen is not getting any easier but sometimes it really can be fun..... Laughing
 
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Mathman
WGA Member



Joined: 2006-07-31
Posts: 2527
Location: Weston, WI

PostPosted: Fri May 24, 2013 9:26 pm Reply with quote Back to top

Big News from Green Bay

GREEN BAY PACKERS

_________________
Infinity is a floorless room without walls or a ceiling. 
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bartrod
WGA Member



Joined: 2008-03-12
Posts: 1046
Location: Oconto, WI-The birthplace of western civilization

PostPosted: Thu May 30, 2013 3:34 pm Reply with quote Back to top

Two young businessmen in Florida were sitting down for a break in their soon-to-be new store in the shopping mall. As yet, the store's merchandise wasn't in -- only a few shelves and display racks set up.

One said to the other, "I'll bet that any minute now some senior is going to walk by, put his face to the window, and ask what we're selling."
Sure enough, just a moment later, a curious senior gentleman walked up to the window, looked around intensely and rapped on the glass, then in a loud voice asked, "What are you selling here?"
One of the men replied sarcastically, "We're selling A-- holes."
Without skipping a beat, the old timer said, "You must be doing well. Only two left."

Seniors -- don't mess with them. They didn't get old by being stupid! Very Happy
 
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hotdogs_off_trail
WGA Member



Joined: 2002-02-20
Posts: 753
Location: North Freedom, Wi. USA

PostPosted: Sun Jun 23, 2013 4:06 pm Reply with quote Back to top

Scientists at NASA have developed a gun built specifically to launch dead chickens at the windshields of airliners, military jets, and the space shuttle, all traveling at maximum velocity. The idea is to simulate the frequent incidents of collisions with airborne fowl to test the strength of the windshields. British engineers heard about the gun and were eager to test it on the windshields of their new high-speed trains. Arrangements were made, but when the gun fired, the engineers stood shocked as the chicken hurled out of the barrel, crashed into the shatterproof windshield, and smashed it to smithereens, crashed through the console control, snapped the engineer's backrest in two, and embedded itself in the back wall of the cabin.

Horrified, the Britons sent NASA the disastrous results of the experiment, along with the designs of the windshield, and begged the US scientists for suggestions. NASA's response was just one sentence: "Defrost the chicken."

_________________
Wander where there is no path. 
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hotdogs_off_trail
WGA Member



Joined: 2002-02-20
Posts: 753
Location: North Freedom, Wi. USA

PostPosted: Sun Jun 23, 2013 4:09 pm Reply with quote Back to top

Puns for twisted minds

The fattest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference,

He acquired his size from too much pi.

I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian.

She was only a whiskey maker, but he loved her still.

A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class, because it was a weapon of math disruption.

No matter how much you push the envelope, it will still be stationery.

A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.

Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.

Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.

Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat said to the other, "You stay here; I'll go on a head."

I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.

The midget fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.

When cannibals ate a missionary, they got a taste of religion.

A backward poet writes inverse.

The soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.

If you jumped off the bridge in Paris, you'd be in Seine.

In a democracy, it's your vote that counts. In feudalism, it's your count that votes.

_________________
Wander where there is no path. 
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JimandLinda
WGA Member



Joined: 2008-08-14
Posts: 5199
Location: Rosendale WI

PostPosted: Thu Jun 27, 2013 6:59 pm Reply with quote Back to top

After being married for 50 years, I took a careful look at my wife one day and said, "Fifty years ago we had a cheap house, a junk car, slept on a sofa bed and watched a 10-inch black and white TV, but I got to sleep every night with a hot 23-year-old girl.

Now ... I have a $250,000 home, a $45,000 car, a nice big bed and a large screen TV, but I'm sleeping with a 73-year-old woman. It seems to me that you're not holding up your side of things."

My wife is a very reasonable woman. She told me to go out and find a hot 23-year-old girl and she would make sure that I would once again be living in a cheap house, driving a junk car, sleeping on a sofa bed and watching a 10-inch black and white TV.

Aren't older women great? They really know how to solve an old guy's problems!
 
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