Need more paper

Posted: Fri Apr 13, 2007 8:31 am

Many many years ago, we had a trainee who was none too swift. One day this person (I choose to deliberately not use female or male pronouns!) was typing and turned to a secretary and said, "I'm almost out of typing paper. What do I do?" "Just use copier machine paper," the secretary told the trainee. With that, the trainee took the last remaining blank piece of paper, put it on the photocopier and proceeded to make five "blank" copies.

Can you top this?)

WGA Member Joined: 2006-12-23 Posts: 5960

Not sure if it will top that but I laugh to tears everytime I think of this story..

A number of years ago I worked at a country club in northern wisconsin, mainly running the marina but filled in other places as needed.

Well, one day I was working with twin brothers from upper michigan on the grounds crew raking leaves. Coupla smart fellows(one studying accounting, the other diesel mechanic) but not the most experienced in life(neither was I at the time really, not sure I am now...but anyhoo..).

I started on top of the hill and they took the vintage truck down the little driveway to the bottom towards the lake. Lots of tree coverage in the area so we had a lot to do. From my vantage point all I could see was the top 15-20 feet of the tree's they were raking below.

After a bit I hear one say "Get in the truck and move it closer", I hear the door slam, the nearly exhaust-less engine start and it grind into gear.

Well, one is tryin to direct the other... VRROOM... GO FORWARD..VRRoom vroom, Ok now back it up...vroom GO RIGHT..VROOM GO RIGHT!!!.

****** BANG! *******

The top of a birch tree is shakin back and forth and the engine dies! The brother doing the directing just lets the other have it.... " NOW GO RIGHT OR YOU'LL HIT THE SAME TREE AGAIN!"

I walk to the edge of the hill and nearly fall down it laughing so hard. I had to blow my nose and wipe the tears while writing this!

Posted: Fri Apr 13, 2007 1:00 pm

Back in the day I used to pull trap (launch clay pigeons to be shot down) at sportsman’s club, and one evening the managers father showed up at the range.

Now it was clear that this was going to an interesting round of shooting as he approached the mark without a gun. At first I thought he was going to borrow someone else’s gun between shooters, but that just wasn’t the case. No, when it was his turn to shoot, he raised his imaginary gun and said “PULL!”

I was dumbfounded. What should I do? Typically the way it works is the shooter says “Pull’ or grunts or makes some other noise to indicate that they are ready for the next target to be launched at which time I hit a button, launch the pigeon and then call out “Hit” or “Loss” depending on the accuracy of their shot. He had no gun. He said "Pull." I pulled.

Now how to score the shot? I paused a bit then announced, “Hit.” True story….the best part was that the Manager later wanted to give his father a gun to shoot….had that happened I think I may have been overdue for a break…

Posted: Fri Apr 13, 2007 1:12 pm

A customer rep at the cable company takes a call from a guy having trouble with his computer. After some prelimanry questions, it's apparent the customer has a nasty virus in his computer.

Rep: OK, let's start by running Norton Antivirus.
Cus: I can not do that.
Rep: Why?
Cus: I uninstalled it.
Rep: ....................?
Cus: It kept saying it was finding viruses, and I did not want it to, so I deleted it.

Posted: Fri Apr 13, 2007 1:17 pm

About 30 years ago our family had a dog that was a Airedale/Beagle mix named Sparky. Well every night before we went to bed we would feed the dog a hot dog uncooked after his last trip outside for a bathroom break. My dad would go to the fridge and get the hot dog and break off pieces and feed it to Sparky It was a treat for him and he knew that it was now time for bed. Well we were scheduled to get a new fridge in the morning so the old one was already in the basement and there was an empty spot were the fridge was. Well Sparky was let out for the last time and when he came back in he went to the empty spot and stood waiting for his treat. My dad goes to the spot pretends to open the door and take out a hot dog. He feeds it the Sparky and the dog commences to chew each piece of non existent hot dog. Afterward Sparky goes and lays down content that he had his treat.

This true story was submitted to the Milwaukee Journal Green Sheet and Sparky was voted as one of Milwaukee's stupidest dogs.

WGA Member Joined: 2004-09-19 Posts: 473

While in college I was working for a temp agency. On one assignment I was working with three other people entering every address in the city and it's location (N, S, E or W) into the computer to get it ready for the new 911 system. Since these were new computers, we got to talking about our own. I mentioned that my newest computer no longer had the large floppy drive, but a smaller floppy drive and a cd drive. The idiot next to me said that his didn't have one either but that it was ok because if he wanted to see what he had on the large floppy disks he could just put in under the microscope he had, since all his information was on those disks in "itty-bitty letters" (note... these were his exact words). I almost died laughing.

If you thought that was bad... while I was in high school, a fellow employee kept complaining that the wall clock was fast. I told him it was because the electricity was getting to it too fast and that he should tie the cord in a know... this would cause the electricity to take a longer time to get to the clock since it had to navigate the knot... he proceeded to tie the cord in a knot and plugged the clock back in. While he was on break, I corrected the time on the clock. Later in the day he came to me and said that it had worked. He kept telling people for months that he had fixed the clock by tying the knot.

It's amazing at how stupid people can be!

Posted: Sat Apr 14, 2007 10:47 pm

Years ago I took my class of students from a Minnesota Technical college on an extended field trip which included a visit to the loop in Chicago. One of the students, Kurt, a "hayseed" from eastern North Dakota had never been to a large urban area before and was quite anxious to see all the sights. Several of the other more worldly students took Kurt aside during the bus trip and warned him not to be looking up at the tops of the skyscrapers as it would be distracting to drivers, and would possibly cause accidents or gridlock on the city streets. While we were walking in downtown Chicago we would occasionally see Kurt sneaking a peek up at the tops of the buildings, but never for more than a fraction of a second. I'm happy to report that the drivers of Chicago experienced no problems driving that day due to Kurt's illicit peaks at the top of Chicago skyscrapers!