This topic contains 437 replies, has 58 voices, and was last updated by 
bartrod 10 years, 2 months ago.
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On another board that I am a member of, there is a forum dedicated to jokes and humor. It makes the day pass quicker when I’ve read some humor, hopefully it will do the same for you.
FRIENDSHIP TEST
This really works!
If you don’t believe it, just try this experiment.
Put your dog and your spouse
in the trunk of the car for an hour.
When you open the trunk,
which one is really happy to see you?
This great cache and it’s humor speaks for itself: GC1AND2
This great cache and it’s humor speaks for itself: GC1AND2
@energysaver wrote:
This great cache and it’s humor speaks for itself: GC1AND2
I’m still laughing. Good one Ron.
😳 Got me good.
HA! Yup got me too, but didn’t even notice it the first time.
A blonde calls her boyfriend and says,
“Please come over here and help me.
I have a killer jigsaw puzzle,
and I can’t figure out how to get started.”Her boyfriend asks,
“What is it supposed to be when it’s finished?”The blonde says, “According to the picture on the box, it’s a rooster.”
Her boyfriend decides to go over and help with the puzzle.
She lets him in and shows him where she has the puzzle spread all over the table.
He studies the pieces for a moment, then looks at the box, then turns to her and says,
“First of all, no matter what we do, we’re not going to be able to assemble these pieces into anything resembling a rooster.”
He takes her hand and says, “Second, I want you to relax. Let’s have a nice cold drink, and then, “he said with a deep sigh…….
“Let’s put all the Corn Flakes back in the box.”
HOW TO CALL THE POLICE
My kind of guy !!!!!!!!!
George Phillips , an elderly man, from Meridian, Mississippi, was
going up to bed, when his wife told him that he’d left the light on in
the garden shed, which she could see from the bedroom window..
George opened the back door to go turn off the light, but saw that there were
people in the shed stealing things.He phoned the police, who asked “Is someone in your house?”
He said “No,” but some people are breaking into my garden shed and
stealing from me.”Then the police dispatcher said “All patrols are busy. You should
lock your doors and an officer will be along when one is available.”George said, “Okay.”
He hung up the phone and counted to 30. Then he phoned the police
again.“Hello, I just called you a few seconds ago because there were people
stealing things from my shed. Well, you don’t have to worry about them now
because I just shot them”, and he hung up.Within five minutes, six Police Cars, a SWAT Team, a Helicopter, two
Fire Trucks, and an Ambulance showed up at the Phillips’
residence, and caught the burglars red-handed.One of the Policemen said to George , “I thought you said that you’d
shot them!”
George said, “I thought you said there was nobody available!”A little old lady answered a knock on the door one day, only to be confronted by a well-dressed young man carrying a vacuum cleaner.
“Good morning,” said the young man. “If I could take a couple of minutes of your time, I would like to demonstrate the very latest in high-powered vacuum cleaners.”
“Go away!” said the old lady. “I’m broke and haven’t got any money!” And she proceeded to close the door.
Quick as a flash, the young man wedged his foot in the door and pushed it wide open. “Don’t be too hasty!” he said. “Not until you have at least seen my demonstration. “
And with that, he emptied a bucket of horse manure onto her hallway carpet.
“If this vacuum cleaner does not remove all traces of this horse manure from your carpet, Madam, I will personally eat the remainder.”
The old lady stepped back and said, “Well let me get you a fork, ’cause they cut off my electricity this morning!!
awesome
I have Multiple Personality Disorder and so do I………
Early to bed, Early to Rise, makes…………………..your Social Life very Dull!
A bird in the hand, is……………….very messy!
A stitch in time, saves………………….. total humiliation!
There is no pill harder to swallow than a suppository………
I complained that I had no Hat, until I met a man who had no Head…….
There are Three types of people in this world, those who can count and those who can’t…….
I told you a hundred trillion times, quit exaggerating!
I finally got my H1N1 Swine Flu shot today, now I can go back to eating Bacon and Pork chops……
Driving to work today, some Lady talking on a cell phone and putting on make-up at the same time cut me off. What was worse is that I dropped my donut and my razor fell in my coffee…….
The other day I came home and my wife just rolled her eyes at me. So, I picked them up and rolled them right back at her………………
Two Vultures found a dead Clown, as they began their meal, one vulture looked over at the other and said, “This tastes funny”…….
Last night I dreamed I ate a giant marshmallow, and today for some reason my pillow is missing…….
George Geocacher was deep in the forest when his GPS battery died. He wandered around in circles for hours and finally came across another cacher.
“Am I ever glad to see you!” said the George. “I’ve been lost out here for 3 hours.”
“Don’t get too excited,” the other cacher replied. “I’ve been lost out here for 3 days.”
Two goats were munching on a VHS tape.
One turned to the other and said, “I liked the book better”. 🙄Due to the climate of political correctness now
pervading America,Kentuckians, Tennesseans and West Virginians will no
longer be referred to as ‘HILLBILLIES.’
You must now refer to them as APPALACHIAN-AMERICANS.And furthermore
HOW TO SPEAK ABOUT WOMEN AND BE POLITICALLY CORRECT:
1. She is not a ‘BABE’ or a ‘CHICK’ – She is a ‘BREASTED AMERICAN.’
2. She is not ‘EASY’ – She is ‘HORIZONTALLY ACCESSIBLE..’
3. She is not a ‘DUMB BLONDE’ – She is a ‘LIGHT-HAIRED DETOUR OFF THE INFORMATION SUPERHIGHWAY..’
4. She has not ‘BEEN AROUND’ – She is a ‘PREVIOUSLY-ENJOYED COMPANION.’
5. She does not ‘NAG’ you – She becomes ‘VERBALLY REPETITIVE.’
6. She is not a ‘TWO-BIT HOOKER’- She is a ‘LOW COST PROVIDER.’
HOW TO SPEAK ABOUT MEN AND BE
POLITICALLY CORRECT:1. He does not have a ‘BEER GUT’ – He has developed a ‘LIQUID GRAIN STORAGE FACILITY.’
2. He is not a ‘BAD DANCER’ – He is ‘OVERLY CAUCASIAN..’
3. He does not ‘GET LOST ALL THE TIME’ – He ‘INVESTIGATES ALTERNATIVE DESTINATIONS.’
4. He is not ‘BALDING’ – He is in ‘FOLLICLE REGRESSION.’
5. He does not act like a ‘TOTAL ASS’ – He develops a case of ‘RECTAL-CRANIAL INVERSION.’
6. It’s not his ‘CRACK’ you see hanging out of his pants – It’s ‘TROUSER CLEAVAGE…’
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