Viewing 15 posts - 196 through 210 (of 438 total)
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  • #1923040
    bartrod
    Participant

      Curtis &Leroy saw an ad in the Starkville Daily News Newspaper in Starkville, MS. and bought a mule for $100.

      The farmer agreed to deliver the mule the next day.

      The next morning the farmer drove up and said, “Sorry, fellows, I have some bad news, the mule died last night.”

      Curtis &Leroy replied, “Well, then just give us our money back.”

      The farmer said, “Can’t do that. I went and spent it already.”

      They said, “OK then, just bring us the dead mule.”

      The farmer asked, “What in the world ya’ll gonna do with a dead mule?”

      Curtis said, “We gonna raffle him off.”

      The farmer said, “You can’t raffle off a dead mule!”

      Leroy said, “We shore can! Heck, we don’t hafta tell nobody he’s dead!”

      A couple of weeks later, the farmer ran into Curtis &Leroy at the Piggly Wiggly grocery store and asked.

      “What’d you fellers ever do with that dead mule?”

      They said,”We raffled him off like we said we wuz gonna do.”

      Leroy said,”Shucks, we sold 500 tickets fer two dollars apiece and made a profit of $898.”

      The farmer said,”My Lord, didn’t anyone complain?”

      Curtis said, “Well, the feller who won got upset. So we gave him his two dollars back.”

      Curtis and Leroy now work for the government.

      They’re overseeing Healthcare reform. 😆

      Oconto...the birthplace of western civilization:)

      #1923041

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      #1923042
      bartrod
      Participant

        A Idaho State Trooper was patrolling late at night off the main highway. He sees a couple in a car, with the interior light brightly glowing.

        He carefully approaches the car to get a closer look.

        Then he sees a young man behind the wheel, reading a magazine.

        He immediately notices a young woman in the rear seat, filing her fingernails. Puzzled by this surprising situation, the trooper walks to the car and gently raps on the driver’s window.

        The young man lowers his window. ‘Uh, yes, Officer’?

        The trooper asks: ‘What are you doing’?

        The young man says: ‘Well, Officer, I’m reading a magazine’.

        Pointing towards the young woman in the back seat the trooper says: ‘And her…what is she doing’?

        The young man shrugs: ‘Sir, I believe she’s filing her fingernails’.

        Now, the trooper is totally confused.

        A young couple, alone, in a car, at night in a lover’s lane …

        And nothing obscene is happening!

        The trooper asks: ‘What’s your age, young man’?

        The young man says: ‘I’m 22, sir’.

        The trooper asks: ‘And her, …. what’s her age’?

        The young man looks at his watch and replies:

        ‘She’ll be 18 in 11 minutes.. ‘

        😆 😆

        Oconto...the birthplace of western civilization:)

        #1923043

        Three fastest ways of communication: Tele-Phone, Tele-Vision & Tell-a-Woman.

        I took my pet cricket to the vet today…she has restless leg syndrome.

        #1923044

        As Nickelodeon announced the ninth season of SpongeBob SquarePants, the NFL announced that this was the last season of Brett Favre NoPants.

        #1923045
        bartrod
        Participant

          If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea does that mean that one enjoys it?
          😮

          Oconto...the birthplace of western civilization:)

          #1923046
          bartrod
          Participant

            If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn’t it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models deposed, tree surgeons debarked, and dry cleaners depressed?
            😀

            Oconto...the birthplace of western civilization:)

            #1923047
            bartrod
            Participant

              If Fed Ex and UPS were to merge, would they call it Fed UP?
              😕

              Oconto...the birthplace of western civilization:)

              #1923048

              #1923049
              bartrod
              Participant

                I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons and forks, so I wondered what do Chinese mothers use? Toothpicks?
                😉

                Oconto...the birthplace of western civilization:)

                #1923050

                It’s late fall and the Indians on a remote reservation in South
                Dakota asked their new chief if the coming winter was going to be
                cold or mild.

                Since he was a chief in a modern society, he had never been taught
                the old secrets. When he looked at the sky, he couldn’t tell what
                the winter was going to be like.

                Nevertheless, to be on the safe side, he told his tribe that the
                winter was indeed going to be cold and that the members of the
                village should collect firewood to be prepared.

                But, being a practical leader, after several days, he got an idea.
                He went to the phone booth, called the National Weather Service and
                asked, ‘Is the coming winter going to be cold?’

                ‘It looks like this winter is going to be cold,’ the
                meteorologist at the weather service responded.

                So the chief went back to his people and told them to collect even
                more firewood in order to be prepared.

                A week later, he called the National Weather Service again. ‘Does
                it still look like it is going to be a cold winter?’

                ‘Yes,’ the man at National Weather Service again replied, ‘it’s
                going to be a very cold winter.’

                The chief again went back to his people and ordered them to collect
                every scrap of firewood they could find.

                Two weeks later, the chief called the National Weather Service
                again. ‘Are you absolutely sure that the winter is going to be very
                cold?’

                ‘Absolutely,’ the man replied. ‘It’s looking more and more like it
                is going to be one of the coldest winters we’ve ever seen..’

                ‘How can you be so sure?’ the chief asked.

                The weatherman replied, The Indians are collecting a shitload of
                firewood!

                #1923051
                bartrod
                Participant

                  If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled?
                  😕

                  Oconto...the birthplace of western civilization:)

                  #1923052
                  bartrod
                  Participant

                    Why do croutons come in airtight packages? Aren’t they just stale bread to begin with?
                    🙄

                    Oconto...the birthplace of western civilization:)

                    #1923053
                    bartrod
                    Participant

                      Whatever happened to Preparations A through G?
                      😯

                      Oconto...the birthplace of western civilization:)

                      #1923054

                      I bought me one of them all-terrain 4 wheeler thingys !!!

                      Why, ?? you ask.
                      Cuz Danger is my middle name!!!

                      Nothing like challenging Nature to give you areal adrenaline Rush!!!

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