Humor

[bartrod]

And now to return to the topic…even though I may be belaboring the point:

Albert Einstein walked into a restaurant and looked around for a table where he could have a stimulating conversation. Spying a table with three gentlemen seated around it, he proceeded to ask the first what his IQ was. The man replied that it was 190 and Einstein realized that he could talk quantum mechanics easily with him.
Then he asked the second man what his IQ was to which he got a reply of 145. Einstein felt that he could have a still have an intelligent conversation about topics such as politics, religion, etc.
When he asked the third man what his IQ was, the response was about 50. Einstein paused, blinked several times, and smiled saying, “How about them Bears?”
😆 😆 😆

Oconto...the birthplace of western civilization:)

[BigJim]

@bartrod wrote:

And now to return to the topic…even though I may be belaboring the point:

Albert Einstein walked into a restaurant and looked around for a table where he could have a stimulating conversation. Spying a table with three gentlemen seated around it, he proceeded to ask the first what his IQ was. The man replied that it was 190 and Einstein realized that he could talk quantum mechanics easily with him.
Then he asked the second man what his IQ was to which he got a reply of 145. Einstein felt that he could have a still have an intelligent conversation about topics such as politics, religion, etc.
When he asked the third man what his IQ was, the response was about 50. Einstein paused, blinked several times, and smiled saying, “How about them Bears?”
😆 😆 😆

Why would he ask Sam Shields about the Bears?

All opinions, comments, and useless drivel I post are mine alone and do not reflect the opinions of the WGA BOD.

[Johnny Cache]

@BigJim60 wrote:

Why would he ask Sam Shields about the Bears?

Because he didn’t think the guy at the bar with the IQ of 10 would understand the question. He had a dazed look on his face and a goofy sweatshirt with “Lovie” monogrammed on the front.

[bartrod]

A paraprosdokian is a figure of speech in which the latter part of a sentence or phrase is surprising or unexpected in a way that causes the reader or listener to reframe or reinterpret the first part. It is
frequently used for humorous or dramatic effect, sometimes producing an anticlimax. For this reason, it is extremely popular among comedians and satirists.

Ø I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn’t work that way, so I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.

Ø Going to church doesn’t make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.

Ø The last thing I want to do is hurt you, but it’s still on the list.

Ø If I agreed with you, we’d both be wrong. (I have to remember this one)

Ø We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.

Ø War does not determine who is right – only who is left.

Ø Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.

Ø Evening news is where they begin with ‘Good evening’, and then proceed to tell you why it isn’t.

Ø To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; To steal from many is research.

Ø A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk, I have a work station.

Ø Dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks of captivity, they can train people to stand on the very edge of the pool and throw them fish.

Ø I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted pay checks.

Ø A bank is a place that will lend you money, if you can prove that you don’t need it.

Ø Whenever I fill out an application, in the part that says “In an emergency, notify:” I put “DOCTOR”.

Ø I didn’t say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.

Ø Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?

Ø Why do Americans choose from just two people to run for president and 50 for Miss America ?

Ø A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

Ø You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.

Ø The voices in my head may not be real, but they have some good ideas!

Ø Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won’t expect it back.

Ø A diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to hell in such a way that you will look forward to the trip.

Oconto...the birthplace of western civilization:)

[RSplash40]

how to wash a sweatshirt

One day, a housework challenged husband decided , to wash his
sweatshirt..
Soon after he stepped into the laundry room, he shouted to his wife,
“What
setting do I use on the washing machine?”
“It depends,” she replied, “what does it say on your shirt?? “
He yelled back, “GO BEARS “
She replied “Use hot water, a box of Tide, and four cups of bleach “.

[bartrod]

I think even BigJim will get a kick out of this one 😀

A Green Bay Packers Fan is drinking in a New York bar when he gets a call on his cell phone. He hangs up, grinning from ear to ear, and orders a round of drinks for everybody in the bar, announcing his wife
has produced a typical Green Bay baby boy weighing 25 pounds.
Nobody can believe that any new baby can weigh in at 25 pounds, but the Packer Fan just shrugs, “That’s about average back home, folks, like I said, my boy’s a typical Green Bay baby boy.

Congratulations showered him from all around, and many exclamations of “WOW!”. One woman actually fainted due to sympathy pains.

Two weeks later, he returns to the bar. The bartender says, “Say, you’re the father of that typical Green Bay baby that weighed 25
pounds at birth. Everybody’s been making bets about how big he’d be in two weeks.
So how much does he weigh now?”

The proud father answers, “Seventeen pounds.”
The bartender is puzzled, concerned, and a little suspicious.
“What happened? He already weighed 25 pounds the day he was born!”

The Green Bay father takes a slow swig from his Leinenkugel’s beer, wipes his lips on his shirt sleeve, leans into the bartender and proudly says, “…Had him circumcised!”

Oconto...the birthplace of western civilization:)

[Frizz]

My Dear Friends,

Please join me in remembering a great icon of the entertainment community. The Pillsbury Doughboy died yesterday of a yeast infection and trauma complications from repeated pokes in the belly. He was 71.

Doughboy was buried in a lightly greased coffin. Dozens of celebrities turned out to pay their respects, including Mrs. Butterworth, Hungry Jack, the California Raisins, Betty Crocker, the Hostess Twinkies, and Captain Crunch. The grave site was piled high with flours.

Aunt Jemima delivered the eulogy and lovingly described Doughboy as a man who never knew how much he was kneaded. Doughboy rose quickly in show business, but his later life was filled with turnovers. He was not considered a very smart cookie, wasting much of his dough on half-baked schemes.
Despite being a little flaky at times, he still was a crusty old man and was considered a positive roll model for millions.

Doughboy is survived by his wife Play Dough, three children: John Dough, Jane Dough and Dosey Dough, plus they had one in the oven. He is also survived by his elderly father, Pop Tart.
The funeral was held at 3:50 for about 20 minutes.

[bartrod]

Yesterday I was at my local COSTCO buying a large bag of Purina dog chow for my loyal pet, Jake, the Wonder Dog and was in the check-out line when a woman behind me asked if I had a dog.

What did she think I had an elephant? So since I’m retired and have little to do, on impulse I told her that no, I didn’t have a dog, I was starting the Purina Diet again. I added that I probably shouldn’t, because I ended up in the hospital last time, but that I’d lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms.

I told her that it was essentially a Perfect Diet and that the way that it works is, to load your pants pockets with Purina Nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry. The food is nutritionally complete so it works well and I was going to try it again. (I have to mention here that practically everyone in line was now enthralled with my story.)
Horrified, she asked if I ended up in intensive care, because the dog food poisoned me. I told her no, I stepped off a curb to sniff a poodle’s ass and a car hit me.

I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack he was laughing so hard.

Costco won’t let me shop there anymore.

Better watch what you ask retired people. They have all the time in the world to think of crazy things to say 😀

Oconto...the birthplace of western civilization:)

[RSplash40]

Funny license plate today with wi firefighter logo: IHOSEM

[CodeJunkie]

@RSplash40 wrote:

Funny license plate today with wi firefighter logo: IHOSEM

Are you sure Mr. President wasn’t in town and this was on the presidential limousine?

[RSplash40]

@CodeJunkie wrote:

@RSplash40 wrote:

Funny license plate today with wi firefighter logo: IHOSEM

Are you sure Mr. President wasn’t in town and this was on the presidential limousine?

Yowch! 😀

[Barry Butrymowicz]

Traveling thru Oconto after the recent snow, happened to drive past Bartrod’s house, and saw that he got a fancy new snowplow, thought I would post a pic of it for all to see.

[bartrod]

What can I say…it’s much easier for my wife to handle 😀

Oconto...the birthplace of western civilization:)

[gotta run]

Tom Brady, after living a full life, died and went to heaven. God was showing him around. They came to a modest little house with a faded Patriots flag in the window. “This is your house for eternity, Tom. This is very special. Not everyone gets a house up here,” said God.

On the way up the porch, Tom noticed another house just around the corner. It was a huge mansion with a green and gold sidewalk, a huge flagpole with a Packers flag, and a cheesehead in every window.

Tom turned to God and said, “I don’t want to see ungrateful, but I was an all pro quarterback with many records. Why does Aaron Rodgers get a better house than I do?”

God chuckled, turned to Tom, and said, “That’s not Aaron’s house, Tom…it’s mine.”

On the Left Side of the Road...

[bartrod]

LITTLE KEVIN WAS IN HIS 5TH GRADE CLASS WHEN THE
TEACHER ASKED THE CHILDREN WHAT THEIR FATHERS DID FOR A LIVING.

ALL THE TYPICAL ANSWERS CAME UP: FIREMAN, POLICEMAN, SALESMAN, ETC.

KEVIN WAS BEING QUIET, SO THE TEACHER ASKED HIM ABOUT HIS FATHER.

LITTLE KEVIN SAYS: “MY FATHER’S AN EXOTIC DANCER IN A GAY BAR AND TAKES OFF ALL HIS CLOTHES IN FRONT OF OTHER MEN.
SOMETIMES, IF THE OFFERS REALLY GOOD, HE’LL GO OUT TO THE ALLEY WITH
SOME GUY AND MAKE LOVE WITH HIM FOR MONEY.”

THE TEACHER, OBVIOUSLY SHAKEN BY THIS STATEMENT, HURRIEDLY SENT THE OTHER CHILDREN TO WORK ON
SOME COLORING AND TOOK LITTLE KEVIN ASIDE TO ASK HIM: “IS THAT REALLY
TRUE ABOUT YOUR FATHER?”

KEVIN SAID: “NO, HE PLAYS FOOTBALL FOR THE CHICAGO BEARS, BUT I WAS
TOO EMBARRASSED TO SAY THAT IN FRONT OF THE OTHER KIDS. 😀

Oconto...the birthplace of western civilization:)

[Author]

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