This topic contains 437 replies, has 58 voices, and was last updated by 
bartrod 10 years, 3 months ago.
-
Posts
-
You Might Be From Wisconsin If . . .
The term “Blaze Orange” means clothing to you, not a color.
You have gotten frostbitten and sunburned in the same week.
You can identify a Michigan accent.
You know what “cow-tipping” is.
If “down south” to you means Chicago.
A brat is something you eat, and you know how to pronouce it.
You know that Eau Claire is not something you eat.
You used to think Deer Season was an official school holiday.
You can actually pronounce and spell Oconomowoc and Lac Du Flambeau.
You go out for a fish fry every Friday.
You tell someone where you are from and they say, “I thought that was part of Canada.” (This has actually happened to me. Twice. 😯 )
You know how to polka.
Your children describe their summer vacation out-of-state as a “trip to Door County.”
You know where to look for a bubbler.
You know that the emphasis on “Green Bay” is on the SECOND word.
You believe the Upper Peninsula of Michigan really belongs to Wisconsin. (It doesn’t? 😕 )
You know that “Fongulac” is the city at the south end of Lake Winnebago.
You have driven your car on a lake.
You check the brand of every bathroom fixture you encounter to see if it’s a Kohler.
You really did walk home from school as a child when the temperature was -20 F.
You check the antifreeze in your car on Labor Day.
You know how to play sheepshead.
You refer to the Packers as “we.”
You can recognize someone from Illinois by their driving.
You can visit Luxemburg, Holland, Belgium, Denmark, Berlin, New London and Poland all in one afternoon.
You consider Madison “exotic.”
You design your Halloween costumes to fit over a snowsuit. (True!)
You’ve taken your kids trick-or-treating in a blizzard.
Driving is better in the winter because the potholes get filled with snow
You own a “winter car” while the “good one” sits in the garage from Nov-Apr.
You buy kitty litter every winter, but you don’t own a cat.
The local paper covers national and international headlines on 1/4 page, but requires six pages for sports (5 1/2 pages for the Packers…in July)!
You’ve worn your winter coat to watch the fire works on the 4th of July.
You think it’s nice enough to swim when the temperature hits 50.
At least twice a year, the kitchen doubles as a meat processing plant or cannery.
Your snow blower gets stuck on the roof.
You have 10 favorite recipes for venison.
You frequently clean grease off your barbecue so the raccoons won’t prowl on your deck.
You know which leaves make good toilet paper.
You find -20F a little chilly.
In winter, the trunk of your car or your garage doubles as a deep freezer.
You know the four seasons: Winter, Still Winter, Almost Winter, and Construction / Mosquito.
On the Left Side of the Road...classic
Farmer Joe decided his injuries from his recent accident were serious enough to take the trucking company responsible for the accident to court. In court, the trucking company’s fancy lawyer was questioning farmer Joe.
“Didn’t you say, at the scene of the accident, that you were fine?”
”Well, I’ll tell you what happened. I had just loaded my favorite mule Bessie into the–“
”I didn’t ask for any details,” the lawyer interrupted. ”Just answer the question. Did you not say, at the scene of the accident, that you were fine?”
”Well I had just got Bessie into the trailer and was driving down the road–”
”Judge, I am trying to establish the fact that, at the scene of the accident, this man told the Highway Patrolman on the scene that he was just fine. Now several weeks after the accident he is trying to sue my client. I believe he is a fraud. Please tell him to simply answer the question.”
By this time the Judge was fairly interested in Farmer Joe’s answer and told the lawyer so.
”Well,” said the farmer, “as I was saying, I had just loaded Bessie, my favorite mule, into the trailer and was driving her down the highway when this huge semi-truck and trailer ran the stop sign and smacked my truck right in the side. I was thrown into one ditch and Bessie was thrown into the other. I was hurting real bad and didn’t want to move. However, I could hear ol’ Bessie moaning and groaning. I knew she was in terrible shape just by her groans. Shortly after the accident a Highway Patrolman came on the scene. He could hear Bessie moaning and groaning so he went over to her. After he looked at her he took out his gun and shot her between the eyes. Then the Patrolman came across the road with his gun in his hand and looked at me. He said, ‘Your mule was in such bad shape I had to shoot her. How are you feeling?'”
An old prospector shuffled into the town of El Indio , Texas leading an old tired mule. The old man headed straight for the only saloon in town, to clear his parched throat. He walked up to the saloon and tied his old mule to the hitch rail. As he stood there, brushing some of the dust from his face and clothes, a young gunslinger stepped out of the saloon with a gun in one hand and a bottle of whiskey in the other.
The young gunslinger looked at the old man and laughed, saying, “Hey old man, have you ever danced?” The old man looked up at the gunslinger and said, “No, I never did dance… never really wanted to.”
A crowd had gathered as the gunslinger grinned and said, “Well, you old fool, you’re gonna’ dance now,” and started shooting at the old man’s feet. The old prospect or, not wanting to get a toe blown off, started hopping around like a flea on a hot skillet. Everybody was laughing, fit to be tied.
When his last bullet had been fired, the young gunslinger, still laughing, holstered his gun and turned around to go back into the saloon. The old man turned to his pack mule, pulled out a double-barreled shotgun, and cocked both hammers. The loud clicks carried clearly through the desert air.
The crowd stopped laughing immediately. The young gunslinger heard the sounds too, and he turned around very slowly. The silence was almost deafening. The crowd watched as the young gunman stared at the old timer and the large gaping holes of those twin barrels.
The barrels of the shotgun never wavered in the old man’s hands, as he quietly said, “Son, have you ever kissed a mule’s ass?”
The gunslinger swallowed hard and s aid, “No sir….. but… I’ve always wanted to.”
There are a few lessons for us all here:
Never be arrogant.
Don’t waste ammunition.
Whiskey makes you think you’re smarter than you are.
Always, always make sure you know who has the power.
Don’t mess with old men, they didn’t get old by being stupid.I’m not an Ellen fan, but this was too good!
Ellen phone call
Two blondes lock thier keys in the car. One of the blondes tries to break into the car while the the other one watches.
Finally the first blonde says “Darn, I can’t get in the car!” The other blond replies, “keep trying, it looks like it is going to rain and the top is down”.
I wanna hang out with Gladys….that phone call was hilarious!!!
@muddybottoms wrote:
I wanna hang out with Gladys….that phone call was hilarious!!!
Now she would be one cool grandma or aunt!
The other day I accidentally rear-ended one of those little “Smart” cars. So, this short guy about 4 feet tall gets out and looks at his car and yells “I am not HAPPY”. Then, sarcastically I came back with “Well, which one are you then?”, that’s when the fight started…..
When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take her someplace expensive. so, I took her to a gas station…..
and that’s when the fight started…
A blonde calls her boyfriend and says,
“Please come over here and help me.
I have a killer jigsaw puzzle,
and I can’t figure out how to get started.”Her boyfriend asks,
“What is it supposed to be when it’s finished?”The blonde says, “According to the picture on the box, it’s a rooster.”
Her boyfriend decides to go over and help with the puzzle.
She lets him in and shows him where she has the puzzle spread all over the table.
He studies the pieces for a moment, then looks at the box, then turns to her and says,
“First of all, no matter what we do, we’re not going to be able to assemble these pieces into anything resembling a rooster.”
He takes her hand and says, “Second, I want you to relax. Let’s have a nice cold drink, and then, “he said with a deep sigh…….
“Let’s put all the Corn Flakes back in the box.” 😆Oconto...the birthplace of western civilization:)
My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming
anniversary.She said, ‘I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 200 in
about 3 seconds.’I bought her a scale.
And then the fight started….
John Smith started the day early having set his alarm clock (MADE IN JAPAN ) for 6 am.
While his coffeepot (MADE IN CHINA)
was perking, he shaved with his electric razor (MADE IN HONG KONG)
He put on a dress shirt (MADE IN SRI LANKA),
designer jeans (MADE IN SINGAPORE)
and
tennis shoes (MADE IN KOREA)
After cooking his breakfast in his new electric skillet (MADE IN INDIA)
he sat down with his calculator (MADE IN MEXICO)
to see how much he could spend today. After setting his watch (MADE IN TAIWAN )
to the radio (MADE IN INDIA )
he got in his car (MADE IN GERMANY )
filled it with GAS (from Saudi Arabia )
and continued his search for a good paying AMERICAN JOB.
At the end of yet anotherdiscouraging and fruitless day checking his Computer (made in MALAYSIA ),
John decided to relax for a while.
He put on his sandals (MADE IN BRAZIL),
poured himself a glass of wine (MADE IN FRANCE)
and turned on his TV (MADE IN INDONESIA),
and then wondered why he can’t find a good paying job in AMERICA .
AND NOW HE’S HOPING HE CAN GET HELP FROM A PRESIDENT
MADE IN KENYA!
Ah, oh ❗ Political satire has reared its ugly head 😥
Oconto...the birthplace of western civilization:)
I think that punch line is in bad taste.
You must be logged in to reply to this topic.