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bartrod 10 years, 3 months ago.
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Since more and more Seniors are texting and tweeting there appears to be a need for a STC (Senior Texting Code). If you qualify for Senior Discounts, these are the codes for you….
ATD – At The Doctor’sBFF – Best Friend Fell
BTW – Bring The Wheelchair
BYOT – Bring Your Own Teeth
CBM – Covered By Medicare
CUATSC – See You At The Senior Center
FWB – Friend With Beta Blockers
FWIW – Forgot Where I Was
FYI – Found Your Insulin
GGPBL – Gotta Go, Pacemaker Battery Low!
GHA – Got Heartburn Again
HGBM – Had Good Bowel Movement
IMHO – Is My Hearing-Aid On?
LMDO – Laughing My Dentures Out
LOL – Living On Lipitor
LWO – Lawrence Welk’s On
OMMR – On My Massage Recliner
OMSG – Oh My! Sorry, Gas.
ROFL…CGU – Rolling On The Floor Laughing… AndCan’t Get Up
SGGP – Sorry, Gotta Go Poop
TTYL – Talk To You LouderWAITT – Who Am I Talking To?
WTP – Where’s The Prunes?
WWNO – Walker Wheels Need Oil
LMGA – Lost My Glasses Again
GLKI – Gotta Go, Laxative Kicking In
On the first day, God created the dog and said, “Sit all day by the door of your house and bark at anyone who comes in or walks past. For this, I will give you a life span of twenty years.”
The dog said, “That’s a long time to be barking. How about only ten years and I’ll give you back the other ten?”
So God agreed……
On the second day, God created the monkey and said, “Entertain people, do tricks, and make them laugh. For this, I’ll give you a twenty-year life span.”
The monkey said, “Monkey tricks for twenty years? That’s a pretty long time to perform. How about I give you back ten like the dog did?”
And God agreed……
On the third day, God created the cow and said, “You must go into the field with the farmer all day long and suffer under the sun, have calves and give milk to support the farmer’s family. For this, I will give you a life span of sixty years.”
The cow said, “That’s kind of a tough life you want me to live for sixty years. How about twenty and I’ll give back the other forty?”
And God agreed again……
God created humans and said, “Eat, sleep, play, marry and enjoy your life. For this, I’ll give you twenty years.”
But the human said, “Only twenty years? Could you possibly give me my twenty, the forty the cow gave back, the ten the monkey gave back, and the ten the dog gave back; that makes eighty, okay?”
“Okay,” said God. “You asked for it.”
So that is why for our first twenty years, we eat, sleep, play and enjoy ourselves. For the next forty years, we slave in the sun to support our family.. For the next ten years, we do monkey tricks to entertain the grandchildren. And for the last ten years, we sit on the front porch and bark at everyone.
Life has now been explained to you. There is no need to thank me for this valuable information. I’m doing it as a public service. If you are looking for me I will be on the front porch 😀
Oconto...the birthplace of western civilization:)
I had a funny pic to put here but I can’t get it to work.
http://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=10150717107690246&set=a.10150160516395246.424030.455564675245&type=1&theaterMaybe this link will work?
***Opinions expressed are mine alone and will change based upon new information. ***
A women should choose a husband like she would choose a tattoo.
Pick one that you can stand to have on your body for the rest of your life!
(maybe more truthful than funny!)
CONFUCIUS DIDN’T SAY ………..
Man who wants pretty nurse, must be patient.
Passionate kiss, like spider web, leads to fly undoing.
Better to be pissed off than pissed on.
Lady who goes camping must beware of evil intent.
Squirrel who runs up womans’ leg will not find nuts.
Man who leaps off cliff jumps to conclusion.
Man who runs in front of car gets tyred, man who runs behind car gets
exhausted.Man who eats many prunes gets good run for money.
War does not determine who is right, it determines who is left.
Man who fight with wife all day get no piece at night..
It takes many nails to build a crib, but one screw to fill it.
Man who drives like hell is bound to get there.
Man who stands on toilet is high on pot.
Man who live in glass house should change clothes in basement.
Man who fish in other man’s well often catch crabs.
Woman who cooks greens and peas in same saucepan – not sanitary.
Finally CONFUCIUS SAY. . .
“A lion will not cheat on his wife, but a Tiger Wood!”
In a fairly small forest you’ll find a selfish bear chasing a rabbit all over the place. As this bear was in hot chase of the rabbit, they ran past a pond, where about mid-way across a “magical” frog jumped out of the pond between them. In mid flight the frog shouted “ALL RIGHT YOU TWO… STOP IT RIGHT NOW!!!” Both animals froze in their spots and turned around to see the frog. The frog then explained that he was a magical frog and that he would grant them both 3 wishes if they both agreed to cease this game of “cat and mouse” Obviously, they both quickly agreed.
The frog then turned to the bear, and asked him what his first wish would be. The very selfish bear asked that his first wish be that every bear in this woods would be a female… except for him. *POOF* “Done” says the frog. The frog then turned to the rabbit and asked him what his wish would be. The rabbit looked at the bear intently for a few seconds and muttered the words “All I want is a motorcylce” The frog paused for a second then continued *POOF* “It is done” said the frog
Back to the bear again, the bear thought for a moment and quickly said that he wanted every bear in the neighboring forests to be female… except for him. *POOF* “It is done” the frog chimed. Turning to the rabbit, he again looked intently at the bear… thought a few moments, and said “I just want a motorcyle helmet” The frog turned to the rabbit and said to him “Why don’t you just wish for $1,000,000 or something and go buy your own stuff like that?” the rabbit just repeated himself “I just want a motorcylce helmet” The frog reluctantly agreed and *POOF*
Now for the bear’s final wish. The bear thought long and hard, and came up with “I wish every bear in the WORLD was a female… except for me!” *POOF* The frog turned to the rabbit, and said “This is your last wish, so you better make it a good one!” The rabbit just stood there. Placed the motorcycle helmet upon his head, taking careful time to latch it upon his head correctly. Then climbed comfortably upon his motorcycle. And with one quick kick of his heel, started the motorcycle. As the motorcycle came to an idle, the rabbit looked at the bear, then back at the frog. After a few moments, and reving of the engine the rabbit said “I wish that THAT bear… was gay!”
Many of you know I’m from the Marinette area…well, this photo is aimed mostly at those in the Sheboygan area 😛
The NFL has apologized to the state of Wisconsin for the smell of smoke from the Minnesota wildfire…They are saying that if Chicago didn’t suck and Minnesota didn’t blow so bad that we wouldn’t be affected at all!
This was a post by a lady at work:
This is my story. I’m out cruising and I go thru this stop sign and I get pulled over by a local policeman.I hand him my his driver’s license, insurance verification, FOID card plus concealed carry permit.
“Okay,” he says, “I see your CCW permit. Are you carrying today?”
“Yes, I am.”
“Well then, better tell me what you got.”
I said, “Well, I got a Gloc…See moreI said, “Well, I got a Glock 27, 40 cal. in my inside coat pocket. There’s a 9mm semi-auto in the glove box. And, I’ve got a .22 magnum derringer in my right boot.”
“Okay,” the cop says. “Anything else?”
“Yes, back in the trunk, there’s an AR15 and a shotgun. That’s about it.”
“Then he asked me, are you on your way to or from a gun range…?”
I replied “Nope.”
“Well then, what are you afraid of…?”
To which I answered “Absolutely Nothing…”
NEW TURKEY RECIPE
Your dinner will be the talk of the TOWN!!
You should try this!
Sure to bring smiles from your guests!
Here is a new way to prepare your Thanksgiving Turkey.1. Cut out aluminum foil in desired shapes.
2. Arrange the turkey in the roasting pan, position the foil carefully.? (see attached picture for details)
3. Roast according to your own recipe and serve.
4. Watch your guests’ faces…May your stuffing be tasty,
May your turkey plump,
May your potatoes, and gravy,
Have never a lump.
May your yams be delicious,
And your pies take the prize,
And may your Thanksgiving Dinner,
Stay off your Thighs!Happy Thanksgiving Everyone!
Four old-timers were playing their weekly game of golf, and one remarked how nice it would be to wake up on Christmas morning, roll out of bed and without an argument go directly to the golf course, meet his buddies and play a round.
His buddies all chimed in and said, “Let’s do it, we’ll make it a priority, figure out a way and meet here early Christmas morning.”
Months later, that special morning arrives, and there they are on the golf course.
The first guy says, “Boy this game cost me a fortune! I bought my wife such a diamond ring that she can’t take her eyes off it.”
Number 2 guy says, “I spent a ton, too. My wife is at home planning the Cruise I gave her. She was up to her eyeballs in brochures.”
Number 3 guy says “Well my wife is at home admiring her new car, reading the manual.”
They all turned to the last guy in the group who is staring at them like they have lost their minds.
I can’t believe you all went to such expense for this golf game. I slapped my wife on the butt and said, ‘Well babe, Merry Christmas! It’s a great morning for either sex or golf,’ and she said… ‘Take a sweater!'” 😀
Oconto...the birthplace of western civilization:)
After having dug to a depth of 10 feet last year, New York scientists found traces of copper wire dating back 100 years and came to the conclusion that their ancestors already had a telephone network more than 100 years ago.
Not to be outdone by the New Yorkers, in the weeks that followed, a California archaeologist dug to a depth of 20 feet, and shortly after, a story in the LA Times read: “California archaeologists, report finding of 200 year old copper wire, have concluded that their ancestors already had an advanced high-tech communications network a hundred years earlier than the New Yorkers.”
One week later. A local newspaper in Wisconsin reported the following: “After digging as deep as 30 feet in his pasture near New Richmond, Wisconsin, Ole Swenson, a self-taught archaeologist, reported that he found absolutely nothing. Ole has therefore concluded that 300 years ago, Wisconsin had already gone wireless”.
Just makes a person proud to be from Wisconsin 😀
Oconto...the birthplace of western civilization:)
Our bus driver just shared this with us on our way back from Epcot.
Why was Tigger looking in the toilet?
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He was looking for Pooh.
😆 😀
… insert “Rim Shot Soundclip here” …Coworker just “upgraded” his black berry to a android phone, as with many phones when you send a email it automatically puts “sent from my android phone” at the end of the message.
He’s going to change it “Sent from his hemorrhoid” because its been a pain in his ass :>
On the Left Side of the Road...
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