Humor

[RSplash40]

MUHAAHAH I’ve heard that flipped around with the husband coming home, still great!

[Todd300]

How do you keep an idiot busy? Read the next post…….

[Todd300]

How do you keep an idiot busy? Read the previous post.

[spd2662]

After a winter carnival in Superior, two men were discussing what should be done with the ice sculpture that was erected for the event. One of them wanted to tear it down, but the other insisted that they leave it up so it would be ready for next year’s event.

[bartrod]

An old, blind cowboy wanders into an all-girl biker bar by mistake. He finds his way to a bar stool and orders a shot of Jack Daniels. After sitting there for a while, he yells to the bartender, ‘Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?’

The bar immediately falls absolutely silent.

In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says, ‘Before you tell that joke, cowboy, I think it is only fair, given that you are blind, that you should know five things:’

1. The bartender is a blonde girl with a baseball bat.
2. The bouncer is a blonde girl.
3. I’m a 6-foot tall, 175-pound blonde woman with a black belt in karate.
4. The woman sitting next to me is blonde and a professional weight lifter.
5. The lady to your right is blonde and a professional wrestler.

Now, think about it seriously, cowboy, do you still wanna tell that blonde joke?

The blind cowboy thinks for a second, shakes his head and mutters,
‘NO! Not if I’m gonna have to explain it five times!’ 😆

Oconto...the birthplace of western civilization:)

[bartrod]

While creating wives, God promised men that good and obedient wives would be found in all corners of the world.

And then He smiled and made the earth round.
:bartrod:

Oconto...the birthplace of western civilization:)

[Todd300]

[Hotdogs_Off_Trail]

This guy from Wisconsin dies and finds himself in a large room standing in line with a bunch of people who have also died. As he stands there, he sees God and Satan working their way down the line. When God selects someone from the line, he or she is escorted to an escalator glowing with heavenly light. When Satan selects someone, he or she is dumped down a chute to the fires below.

As the old-timer watches, every so often Satan takes someone out of the line and throws him or her to one side and onto a pile of other people, stacking them all like firewood rather than throwing them down the chute. His curiosity piqued, the farmer steps out of line and approaches Satan.

“Excuse me, sir. I can see that you’re plenty busy but I have a question.”

Satan glares at him impatiently but does respond, “What is it?”

The old-timer asks, “Why do you sometimes take people out of line and throw them on a pile rather than down the chute to hell?”

“Ah, that’s simple! The ones on the pile are from Wisconsin and they’re too cold and wet to burn . . .”

[bartrod]

A woman in London brought a very limp duck into a veterinary
surgeon. As she laid her pet on the table, the vet
pulled out his stethoscope and listened to the bird’s
chest.
After a moment or two, the vet shook his head and
sadly said, “I’m sorry, your duck, Cuddles, has
passed away.”
The distressed woman wailed, “Are you sure?”
“Yes, I am sure. Your duck is dead,” replied the
vet..
“How can you be so sure?” she protested. “I mean
you haven’t done any testing on him or anything.
He might just be in a coma or something.”
The vet rolled his eyes, turned around and left the
room. He returned a few minutes later with a black
Labrador Retriever. As the duck’s owner looked on
in amazement, the dog stood on his hind legs, put his
front paws on the examination table and sniffed the
duck from top to bottom. He then looked up at the
vet with sad eyes and shook his head.
The vet patted the dog on the head and took it out
of the room. A few minutes later he returned with
a cat. The cat jumped on the table and also delicately
sniffed the bird from head to foot. The cat sat back
on its haunches, shook its head, meowed softly and
strolled out of the room.
The vet looked at the woman and said, “I’m sorry,
but as I said, this is most definitely, 100% certifiably,
a dead duck.”
The vet turned to his computer terminal, hit a few keys
and produced a bill, which he handed to the woman..
The duck’s owner, still in shock, took the bill. “£150!”
she cried, “£150 just to tell me my duck is dead!”
The vet shrugged, “I’m sorry. If you had just taken my
word for it, the bill would have been £20, but with the
Lab Report and the Cat Scan, it’s now £150.” 😆

Oconto...the birthplace of western civilization:)

[Todd300]

“There’s the cache. Next time get extra batteries for your GPS, ok?”

[Todd300]

[bartrod]

IDIOT SIGHTING
I handed the teller @ my bank a withdrawal slip for $400.00
I said “May I have large bills, please.”
She looked at me and said “I’m sorry sir, all the bills are the same size.”
When I got up off the floor I explained it to her….
😆

Oconto...the birthplace of western civilization:)

[RSplash40]

Do fish ever get thirsty?

[huffinpuffin2]

@RSplash40 wrote:

Do fish ever get thirsty?

Definitively, yes: http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=1006011101445 🙂 🙂

[RSplash40]

If you run backwards do you gain weight?

[Author]

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