This topic contains 437 replies, has 58 voices, and was last updated by 
bartrod 10 years, 3 months ago.
-
Posts
-
Political Aphorisms
If God wanted us to vote, he would have given us candidates.
~Jay Leno~The problem with political jokes is they get elected.
~Henry Cate, VII~We hang the petty thieves and appoint the great ones to public office
~Aesop~If we got one-tenth of what was promised to us in these State of the Union speeches, there wouldn’t be any inducement to go to heaven.
~Will Rogers~Politicians are the same all over. They promise to build a bridge even where there is no river.
~Nikita Khrushchev~When I was a boy I was told that anybody could become President; I’m beginning to believe it.
~Clarence Darrow~Why pay money to have your family tree traced; go into politics and your opponents will do it for you.
~Author unknown~Politicians are people who, when they see light at the end of the tunnel, go out and buy some more tunnel.
~John Quinton~Politics is the gentle art of getting votes from the poor and campaign funds from the rich, by promising to protect each from the other.
~Oscar Ameringer~I offer my opponents a bargain: if they will stop telling lies about us, I will stop telling the truth about them.
~Adlai Stevenson ~A politician is a fellow who will lay down your life for his country.
~ Tex Guinan~I have come to the conclusion that politics is too serious a matter to be left to the politicians.
~Charles de Gaulle~Instead of giving a politician the keys to the city, it might be better to change the locks.
~Doug Larson~Oconto...the birthplace of western civilization:)
A bun and a muffin were in the oven together at thanksgiving. The muffin said, “wow! it’s really getting hot in here!” The bun said, “wow! a talking muffin!”
Happy Thanksgiving everyone!
Sad news from Minnesota
Please join me in remembering a great icon of the entertainment community. The Pillsbury Doughboy died yesterday of a yeast infection and trauma complications from repeated pokes in the belly. He was 71.
Doughboy was buried in a lightly greased coffin. Dozens of celebrities turned out to pay their respects, including Mrs. Butterworth, Hungry Jack, the California Raisins, Betty Crocker, the Hostess Twinkies, and Captain Crunch. The gravesite was piled high with flours. Aunt Jemima delivered the eulogy and lovingly described Doughboy as a man who never knew how much he
was kneaded.Born and bread in Minnesota, Doughboy rose quickly in show business, but his later life was filled with turnovers. He was not considered a very smart cookie, wasting much of his dough on half-baked schemes. Despite being a little flaky at times, he still was a crusty old man and was
considered a positive roll model for millions.Doughboy is survived by his wife Play Dough, three children: John Dough, Jane
Dough and Dosey Dough, plus they had one in the oven. He is also survived by his elderly father, Pop Tart. The funeral was held at 3:50 for about 20 minutes.Please rise to the occasion and pass it on to someone having a crumby day and kneading a lift. Take time to appreciate every day, because these years will be gone before you know it
A woman walked into the kitchen to find her husband stalking around with a fly swatter. “What are you doing?” she asked.
“Hunting Flies” he responded.
“Oh! Killing any?” she asked.
“Yep, 3 males, 2 Females,” he replied.
Intrigued, she asked, “How can you tell them apart?”
He responded, “3 were on a beer can, 2 were on the phone.”
Oconto...the birthplace of western civilization:)
Ammo is getting scarce! This morning I lucked out and was able to buy two boxes of it. I placed the boxes on the front seat and headed home but stopped at a gas station where a drop-dead gorgeous blonde in a short skirt was filling up her car at the next pump.
She glanced at the two boxes of ammo, bent over and leaned in my passenger window and said in a sexy voice, “I’m a big believer in barter, old fella. Would you be interested in trading sex for ammo?”
I thought for a few seconds and asked”What kinda ammo ya got?”
Oconto...the birthplace of western civilization:)
New exercise regime…I tried it, I liked it, you will too!!
The older we get the more important it is to incorporate exercise into our daily routine. This is necessary to sustain cardiovascular health and maintain muscle mass.If you’re over 40, you might want to take it easy at first, then do more repetitions as you become more proficient and build stamina. Warning: this program may be too strenuous for some.
Always consult your doctor before starting any exercise program!
SCROLL DOWN………….
NOW SCROLL UP…
That’s enough for the first day. Great job.Have a glass of wine.
Oconto...the birthplace of western civilization:)
It was starting to get dark while I was caching in Irvine Park, Chippewa Falls. When I got out to the road near my truck the Park Ranger was there waiting for me. I figure I am in trouble for making him wait to close the gate behind me. He looks at me and my Maxexpedtion pack and asks “Are you a Naturalist?” I said “no, just looking around” and apologized for taking to long to get out of the park. Anyway I call up 400Eiger and to tell him what happened and he busts out laughing and I now wonder what the heck is so funny. I say “what? I know more about plants then you do.” and he says ” why where you running around in the woods naked?!”
Maybe you had to be there.
***Opinions expressed are mine alone and will change based upon new information. ***
GUN CONTROL… It has already started at Cabela’s Sporting Goods.
When I shopped there yesterday. I was ready to pay for my purchases of gun powder and bullets, when the cashier pointed and said, “Strip down, facing me.”
Making a mental note to complain to the NRA about the gun control wackos running amuck, I did just as she had instructed. When the hysterical shrieking and alarms finally subsided, I found out that she was referring to how I should place my credit card in the card-reader.
After I pulled my pants up they asked me to shop elsewhere in the future. They need to make their instructions to us seniors a little clearer. I still don’t think I looked that bad.
Oconto...the birthplace of western civilization:)
Here’s a new exercise routine for those of you that are seniors:
Begin by standing on a comfortable surface, where you have plenty of room at each side.
With a 5-lb potato bag in each hand, extend your arms straight out from your sides and hold them there as long as you can. Try to reach a full minute, and then relax. Each day you’ll find that you can hold this position for just a bit longer.
After a couple of weeks, move up to 10-lb potato bags.
Then try 50-lb potato bags and then eventually try to get to where you can lift a 100-lb potato bag in each hand and hold your arms straight for more than a full minute. (I’m at this level. )
<strong id=”yiv4351324326yui_3_16_0_1_1423528733345_6505″>Once you feel confident at that level, put a potato in each bag.
Oconto...the birthplace of western civilization:)
One day a florist went to a barber for a haircut. After the cut, he asked about his bill, and the barber
replied, ‘I cannot accept money from you, I’m doing community service this week. ‘The florist was pleased
and left the shop. When the barber went to open his shop the next morning, there was a ‘thank you’ card
and a dozen roses waiting for him at his door.Later, a cop comes in for a haircut, and when he tries to pay his bill, the barber again replied, ‘I cannot
accept money from you, I’m doing community service this week.’ The cop was happy and left the shop.
The next morning when the barber went to open up, there was a ‘thank you’ card and a dozen donuts
waiting for him at his door.Then a Congressman came in for a haircut, and when he went to pay his bill, the barber again replied,
‘I cannot accept money from you. I’m doing community service this week.’ The Congressman was very happy
and left the shop. The next morning, when the barber went to open up, there were a dozen Congressmen
lined up waiting for a free haircut.Oconto...the birthplace of western civilization:)
Scott543 asked me at the LCG Event this weekend. I see you set the date for the 3rd Annual Snowshoeing at the Chippewa Moraine Event for February 13th, 2016. How did you know that will be the coldest day of the year?
***Opinions expressed are mine alone and will change based upon new information. ***
Scott543 asked me at the LCG Event this weekend. I see you set the date for the 3rd Annual Snowshoeing at the Chippewa Moraine Event for February 13th, 2016. How did you know that will be the coldest day of the year?
????
Oconto...the birthplace of western civilization:)
2014 event never made it above zero with 20 mph winds. 2015 was Valentines Day and it never made it above 0 and and 40 mph wind gusts while we were out snowshoeing. So naturally I must know the coldest day of each year to plan the event.
***Opinions expressed are mine alone and will change based upon new information. ***
Why did Al Roker decide to go on a fitness program?
His neck of the woods was becoming a triple-chin.
Short but sweet.
A senior citizen drove his brand new Corvette convertible out of the dealership. Taking off down the road, he pushed it to 80 mph, enjoying the wind blowing through what little hair he had left. “Amazing,” he thought as he flew down I-95, pushing the pedal even more.
Looking in his rear view mirror, he saw a State Trooper, blue lights flashing and siren blaring. He floored it to 100 mph, then 110, then 120. Suddenly he thought, “What am I doing? I’m too old for this!” and pulled over to await the trooper’s arrival.
Pulling in behind him, the trooper got out of his vehicle and walked up to the Corvette. He looked at his watch, then said, “Sir, my shift ends in 30 minutes. Today is Friday. If you can give me a new reason for speeding–a reason I’ve never before heard — I’ll let you go.”
The old gentleman paused then said: “Three years ago, my wife ran off
with a State Trooper. I thought you were bringing her back.“Have a good day, Sir,” replied the trooper.
Oconto...the birthplace of western civilization:)
You must be logged in to reply to this topic.