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bartrod 10 years, 2 months ago.
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An Irishman is stumbling through the woods, totally drunk, when he comes upon a preacher baptizing people in the river. He proceeds into the water, subsequently bumping into the preacher. The preacher turns around and is almost overcome by the smell of alcohol, whereupon, he asks the drunk, “Are you ready to find Jesus?”
The drunk shouts,
“Yes, I am.”The preacher grabs him and dunks him in the water, pulls him back, and asks, “Brother, have you found Jesus?”
The drunk replies, “No, I haven’t found Jesus!”
The preacher, shocked at the answer, dunks him again but for a little longer. He again pulls him out of the water and asks, “Have you found Jesus, brother?”
The drunk answers, “No, I haven’t found Jesus!”
By this time, the preacher is at his wits end and dunks the drunk again, but this time holds him down for about 30 seconds When the drunk begins kicking his arms and legs about, he pulls him up. Once again the preacher again asks the drunk, “For the love of God, have you found Jesus?”
The drunk staggers upright, wipes his eyes, coughs up a bit of water, catches his breath, and replies to the preacher,
“Are you sure this is where he fell in?”Oconto...the birthplace of western civilization:)
Ha! I got this one from someone today and have to share it:
As a bagpiper, I play many gigs. Recently I was asked by a funeral director to play at a graveside service for a homeless man. He had no family or friends, so the service was to be at a pauper’s cemetery in the Nova Scotia back country.
As I was not familiar with the backwoods, I got lost and, being a typical man, I didn’t stop for directions.I finally arrived an hour late and saw the funeral guy had evidently gone and the hearse was nowhere in sight. There were only the diggers and crew left and they were eating lunch. I felt badly and apologized to the men for being late.
I went to the side of the grave and looked down and the vault lid was already in place. I didn’t know what else to do, so I started to play.
The workers put down their lunches and began to gather around. I played out my heart and soul for this man with no family and friends. I played like I’ve never played before for this homeless man.
And as I played “Amazing Grace”, the workers began to weep. They wept, I wept, we all wept together. When I finished, I packed up my bagpipes and started for car. Though my head was hung low, my heart was full.
As I opened the door to my car, I heard one of the workers say, “I never seen anything like that before, and I’ve been putting in septic tanks for twenty years.”
Apparently, I’m still lost….it’s a man thing.Oconto...the birthplace of western civilization:)
A man and his wife moved back home to Minnesota from Arizona. The wife had a wooden leg, and to insure it in Arizona was $2,000.00 per year!
When they arrived in Minnesota, they went to Sven’s Insurance Agency to see how much it would cost to insure the wooden leg. Sven looked it up on his computer and told the couple, “$39.00.”
The husband’s mouth dropped open and he asked why it was so cheap in Minnesota to insure it, because it had cost him $2,000.00 in Arizona!Sven looks to his computer and direct from Ole’s Minnesota Fire Insurance Company, it says: Any wooden structure, with a sprinkler system over it, is $39.00.
Oconto...the birthplace of western civilization:)
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